Is Rick Santorum Seeking to Replace Obama or Osama?

In a world of high unemployment, world recession, ridiculous energy prices, inflation, banking crises across the globe and major warfare across some of the most sensitive geo-political regions in the world, it takes a particularly dense politician to run for office on the anti-gay, anti-abortion platform.

And like that, on cue, is Rick Santorum, running for president on the “anti-gay people have rights, too” platform. The culture warrior, last seen defeated for re-election by 17 points (about as through a whomping as the people of Pennsylvania could dole out to the former Senator/homophobe), says he is "in it to win it" and ready to lead the country.

Whether he means to lead it forward or backward is up for debate.

Santorum's strategy appears to be appealing to two seemingly different voting blocks: tea-party style libertarians and social conservatives. The libertarians like Santorum for his opposition to government intervention in affairs.

This is an odd stance, because the social conservatives love Santorum for his willingness to have government intervene in marriage, abortion, adoption, drug policy, social policy, and, well, you get the idea.

Which Rick Santorum will show up for the 2012 elections? It has to be the social conservative, one, right? I mean, it's not like Santorum is going to start mature and start respecting the rights of gay Americans to live and love as they see fit. And it's not like he's going to suddenly decide that Americans have the right to choose what to do with their own body. The guy smoked pot in college and now wants to jail people for using drugs.

So, let's set aside the notions of libertarianism. Those candidates exist (Gary Johnson, Ron Paul, and once in a while, Herman Cain), and that's just among Republicans. It's entirely possible that the GOP nominates some social conservative moron like Santorum, and the Libertarian/Tea Parties rise up and fund a third party challenger. (Think: Ross Perot, but without the hair and the ears.)

What, then, is left for Wall Street to ponder over a Santorum candidacy? Tax cuts? That's what every Republican wants, always and forever, regardless of the issue at hand. An extension of the global war against terror? Santorum has been out front the last four years, warning the world of evil religious zealots who wish harm and death upon their enemies — without even the slightest hint of irony, of course.

Come to think of it, Rick Santorum has more in common with the recently bullet-ridden Osama bin Laden than he does with President Barack Obama. He's a religious whacko; he's anti-gay and anti-women; he opposes freedom for people who disagree with him and he's all in favor of open war (or jihad) against his religious/cultural opponents. He's one bad beard trim away from being a third world terror cell dictator...and he wants to be elected President? In this century? He was outdated 30 years ago.

One side note: unless you're at work, school, or surfing the web somewhere else that mild pornography is banned, go ahead and google search for “Rick Santorum”. Other than the news feeds that appear at the top, what is the first link you see? Chances are, it's one Dan Savage is rather proud of, and Rick Santorum wishes would just go away. Since this is a family site, I won't link it here (it's really amazingly nasty) but I highly recommend you check it out at your leisure. Just maybe put down your lunch, first...